I'm sucha bad human being ;( ;(

"I'm sucha bad human being ;( ;("

So read my Facebook status update, a couple of minutes back. I agree it is late realisation and all that, but I want to change and change right now at that.

I seriously am feeling bad about myself and i felt the need to write on my blog. My college junior's dad expired (one of my mom's friend's son as well.. as in they're pretty close) . I just had to go leave my mom and come back, and this guy was a pretty good friend of mine too, so i had to go offer my condolences, but there began the hard part. Even though i was feeling really bad at heart, i was not able to show it through my expressions. A smile came out of nowhere, luckily it wasn't spotted by anyone except my mom, who warned me not to smile, making me more conscious and thus making me smile a small bit more. It was a total disaster (i didn't even speak to my friend) , and i really felt very very very bad at myself being such a bad human being. My friend's dad has expired and i was there, smiling (even though no one had seen it), how rude ;(

I feel really really bad about myself, and I've such a lot to change even though there is close to just an hour before i turn 21 (I'm a certified adult, but i still don't know how to emote, as in, I don't want to fake a tear, but i really felt bad for my friend and i couldn't express it properly).